


Proof that Sauron has a Heart

by AliceWasNotDreaming



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Flirting, Jealousy, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-06-14 08:45:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15385083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceWasNotDreaming/pseuds/AliceWasNotDreaming
Summary: In Middle-earth some people are fortunate enough to find their soulmate, their One. Sauron is one of them.





	1. First Meeting

The impossibly beautiful creature standing in front of Celebrimbor looked up and smiled.

It was a seductive, sweet smile that made Celebrimbor's knees go weak immediately. He silently thanked the Valar that he had not risen from his throne yet

The stranger opened his mouth (Celebrimbor blushed at the mere sight of those pink, soft, petal-like lips) and said in a rich, melodic, honeyed voice, 'Greetings, Lord Celebrimbor of Eregion. It is such an honour to finally meet so great a craftsman. My name is Annatar. I am a Maia in the service of Aule, seeking kindred spirits to whom I can offer my skills in craft in exchange for friendship and a home.'

Celebrimbor was only dimly aware of his subjects around him, so enchanted he was by the stranger and that voice that sent shivers up his spine. 'Well met, Lord Annatar,' he said, fighting to keep his own voice steady and clear. 'The honour is all ours.' As he continued to prattle meaningless formalities, his eyes could not help but devour the sight of the ravishing being - tall and lithe, elegant and graceful, with a slightly arrogant tilt of the chin and eyes unlike any Celebrimbor had ever seen, eyes of molten gold...

And all the while he was aware of the Maia staring right back at him, the heat in his eyes matching easily the heat that ran in Celebrimbor's veins.

Celebrimbor knew what was happening. He had seen it too many times - Maedhros and Fingon, Turgon and Finrod, his own parents... He knew enough of lust to recognize it when it striked.

He knew that it was unwise for him to get attached. Feanorians had a tendency to get too passionate about the things they cared about, passionate to the point of possessive madness. And Celebrimbor, though he disagreed with his forefathers' actions, was very much a Feanorian. 

But how could he help but drown in those warm pools of molten gold when they all but enticed him to do so? How could he help but flush and tremble when those eyelids lowered over the eyes so seductively, long thick lashes fluttering over smooth cheeks? How could he help the scorching heat he felt in his body when that sensual mouth directed a blatantly, boldly flirtatious smile at him?

The rational part of his mind said firmly that he could help it - step away from Annatar, make it clear at once that his advances were unwanted. 

But, the trouble was, Annatar's advances were very much wanted...

Even though Celebrimbor had only laid eyes on this marvellous creature a few minutes ago, he already desired him. He was not this shallow usually - his family members were all painfully, dangerously attractive, after all, so he was almost indifferent to mere physical beauty - but somehow that heated, dancing gaze, that playful, almost challenging smirk, made him want to throw himself at the Maia and beg him for a kiss, a touch, right then and there. 

Celebrimbor had never felt like this before. He wondered whether this was what Celegorm felt when he laid eyes on Luthien the first time. If so, he could sympathize with his uncle's madness. Some things, Celebrimbor realized, were simply irresistible. 

And then Celebrimbor realized that Annatar was very, very dangerous. Annatar might be to Celebrimbor as the Silmarils were to Feanaro, if Celebrimbor was not careful.

So Celebrimbor took pains to adjust his smile into a formal one, and his tone from cordial and slightly breathless to polite and  detached.

Annatar obviously sensed the change in Celebrimbor's countenance, for he, too, became businesslike, to the elf's great relief. 'Thank you, my lord,' the Maia said at the end of Celebrimbor's rhetoric with a smile that was still warm but no longer flirtatious. 

***

The attraction was not quite gone, but at least Celebrimbor could control it reasonably well now. And he had channeled that intense attraction into a far more appropriate relationship with Annatar - friendship. 

For Celebrimbor soon realized that Annatar was very clever, and he was strongly attracted to brains in a completely platonic way. This, Celebrimbor thought, was understandable and perfectly reasonable. 

So he allowed the friendship to grow steadily over the years, until one day he suddenly realized that Annatar was perhaps the friend he loved most dearly.


	2. Flirting

Celebrimbor blinked up at the Maia standing over him.

'I am sorry, Annatar, I did not hear what you were saying,' he said apologetically. He had been too busy thinking about the preparations for the celebrations that night to listen to what his friend was saying. 'Do you mind repeating?'

Annatar, guessing what was in his mind, sighed fondly. 'You worry too much, my friend,' he remonstrated with a smile. 'I was saying, would you like to dance the last dance with me this evening?'

Celebrimbor blinked again, gaping slightly. 'I - what? Dance?'

Annatar tilted his head, the perfect picture of innocence, but Celebrimbor knew him well enough by now to detect the playful, mischievous glint in those golden eyes. 'Yes, dance. It is the tradition, is it not, to dance during the celebrations at the night of the Summer Solstice?' 

Celebrimbor blushed, flustered. He stammered, 'Well, yes - but it is the tradition to reserve the last dance for - well, for-'

Annatar's head was still tilted. He did not speak, but merely smiled complacently at the elf. 

Celebrimbor huffed, his cheeks further reddening. 'Confound this, Annatar! You know the traditions as well as I!' 

Annatar laughed, a soft, melodic sound that made Celebrimbor shiver slightly. 'Yes, my dear Tyelpe. I know the last dance is reserved for lovers or spouses only.' His eyes roamed Celebrimbor's form with a small smirk around cherry lips. Celebrimbor shifted, embarrassed by the scrutiny. Annatar looked up and stared right into Celebrimbor's deep blue eyes once more. 'But,' he continued softly, 'since we have neither, why should we not go together? It would be senseless to waste a perfectly good opportunity for dancing.' He smiled. 

Celebrimbor was still blushing madly. 'Yes, but - well, people might talk...' he protested weakly.

'Oh,' Annatar said, his eyes downcast suddenly. He seemed crestfallen. 'I see. You do not wish to be associated with me.' The Maia bit his lip and made to stand up from his seat beside Celebrimbor.

'What? No!' Celebrimbor said. He scrambled up to chase after his friend. 'Annatar, I'm sorry - I didn't mean it like that! Of course I will go with you, if you want to.'

Annatar turned, a brilliant smile lighting up his face. 'I do want to, Tyelpe,' he said.

'Well, in that case, it's settled,' Celebrimbor said, dazzled by the smile that could outshine even the brightest rays of the sun. 

Some time later, after Annatar had left, Celebrimbor suddenly realized that his friend might have been flirting with him.

He blushed, bewildered, alarmed and flattered at the same time.

He told himself he was imagining things.

The celebrations went without a hitch, despite Celebrimbor being distracted all the time. He could not help but feel a nervous fluttering in his stomach every time he thought of the last dance. 

Annatar did not approach him at all during the celebrations, but merely waved and smiled at him when their eyes met. The Maia danced with whoever was near him, so graceful he made all his companions look clumsy in comparison. Celebrimbor danced occasionally, his thoughts never straying far from the Annatar, who he never lost sight of throughout the evening.

When it was time for the last dance Celebrimbor was almost overcome by nerves. He could not explain why - there was nothing really wrong with breaking tradition and dancing with one's friend instead of one's lover, after all. People might gossip, yes, but Celebrimbor had never cared much for what others said about him.

So why was he so nervous now?

Before he knew it Annatar was approaching him, an ethereal figure wrapped in golden silks that matched his eyes. He was painfully, excruciatigly beautiful, Celebrimbor thought dazedly. He stood out from the rest of the crowds effortlessly, a swan amongst ducklings, an angel amongst mortals.

Annatar took Celebrimbor's hands in his and led him wordlessly to the dance floor. Their eyes never left each other. As if in a trance, Celebrimbor was dimly aware of the astonished murmurs beside him, but suddenly he could not bring himself to care. He only had eyes for the glorious creature standing in front of him, smiling alluringly with half-lidded eyes down at him.

The song began but Celebrimbor barely heard it over the thundering in his ears. Annatar guided him through the dance lightly, their movements perfectly synchronised. Every movement of the Maia was ten times as captivating as it was usually. The slow, sensual dance left Celebrimbor's head spinning, his heart hammering. He was reminded of the first time he had laid eyes on this fascinating Lord of Gifts - the breathlessness, the wonder, the awe. He could barely think. It was as if the world had shrunk and only he and Annatar were in it. Only Annatar mattered. Annatar, the golden, ravishing creature made of pure flame and light...

Before Celebrimbor knew it the song had ended. The elves around them clapped and cheered - the spell was broken.

The elf gazed up at his friend's eyes. Annatar stared back at him with a smile of delight.

'Thank you for the wonderful dance, my lord,' the Maia said softly, and brought Celebrimbor's hand up to his lips. The brush of his mouth against Celebrimbor's bare skin made the elf shake. In fear? In desire? Celebrimbor did not know. The place where Annatar's lips touched him briefly burned and tingled long after he was gone.

Celebrimbor realized that he was in trouble.


	3. Denial

Celebrimbor sat huddled in the shadow of a tree in a corner of his gardens. He was holding a book in his hands, but he was not really reading it. He seemed rather nervous and kept glancing over his head anxiously, as if looking out for something, or someone.

He froze as he heard a rustle of leaves behind him. He quickly pulled up the hood of his dark green cloak and tried to melt into the shadows, meanwhile searching frantically for the source of the noise.

He had been hiding from Annatar ever since the Maia danced with him three days ago during the celebration. He supposed he was rather a coward for running away like that, but he simply couldn't bring himself to face the golden haired beauty.

He located the source of the disruption - a hummingbird flying into the air from a tree nearby. He sighed in relief and sagged against the trunk of his tree, closing his eyes in stressed exhaustion.

When he opened his eyes he was no longer alone.

Annatar stood in front of him silently. The usually playful face was not, for once, lit up with a smile, and the eyes that used to shine mischievously were cold and dangerous. 

Celebrimbor gasped and drew back, slamming into the trunk. Annatar advanced, gliding towards him without making a single noise. He looked menacing, and for a moment Celebrimbor was truly terrified. Annatar had been his friend for so long, he sometimes forgot he was an all-powerful Maia that could probably pulverize the elf without lifting a finger or batting an eye.

The Maia looked ready to pulverize Celebrrimbor right now. The elf was trapped between him and the tree, he could not run even if he could make his paralyzed legs move. Annatar's voice was silky soft as he asked, 'Why, Tyelpe, do you not simply tell me to pack my bags and leave your city if you do not want to see me so much? There really is no point in going into all that trouble to avoid someone in your own home when you can just kick him out, yes?' His eyes were flashing with anger and something like hurt.

Celebrimbor blinked up at the taller figure, shocked at the words. Did Annatar really think he wanted him gone? He gazed into Annatar's eyes pleadingly. 'What are you talking about, Annatar? I would never do that! You are my - my best friend!' (In his mind a voice shouted that he did not only wanted to be Annatar's best friend. He wanted to be Annatar's lover, Annatar's mate. Celebrimbor felt his heart miss a few beats at the mere thought.) 'I merely wanted some time alone - my thoughts are troubling me of late.' He winced at the excuse, which sounded lame and unconvincing even to his own ears.

Annatar, apparently, harboured the same opinion, for he did not look appeased in the slightest. He continued to step towards the elf, exuding an aura of danger, crowding Celebrimbor against the tree. They were now so close they could practically feel each other's breaths upon their skin. Celebrimbor blushed, at once frightened, embarrassed and aroused. He could count Annatar's eyelashes, long and slightly curled, and his skin looked impossibly smooth and creamy up close. There was a scent of musk in the air - a scent that was purely Annatar -

Oh, Eru, no.

He closed his eyes and pushed Annatar away, retreating sideways to put some distance between them. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart.

'Annatar-' he said.

The look of hurt was evident on the Maia's face now. 'Do not think me such an idiot as to not know why you avoid me, Telperinquar,' he snarled. Celebrimbor flinched with hurt - Annatar always called him Tyelpe, never Telperinquar. He was well and truly pissed, it seemed. The Maia continued, 'If you do not like my advances, why could you not have said so? If you had a lover already, why could you not just tell me?' His voice was level, but Celebrimbor could sense the rising fury in him as he spoke, especially at the last sentence.

'No! I do not have a lover,' Celebrimbor protested. Valar, was Annatar jealous? His brain could not comprehend it - Annatar, a Maia, was in love with him, a mere elf. He felt dizzy with elation and fear. His heart was hammering wildly now. He stepped closer this time. 'You don't understand! I cannot! I just cannot be with you, Annatar! I am sorry! It isn't that you are not good enough - Eru knows I could never deserve you in a thousand years - but I cannot be in a relationship with you. Is being - being friends not enough?' Yet even as Celebrimbor asked the question he knew the answer. 

Annatar glared at him. 'No, it is not enough,' he said icily. Some part of Celebrimbor agreed, and danced with joy that Annatar did not so easily give up. Did he truly love Celebrimbor? Could he? Could he? The rational part, though, forced him to come to his senses. 

'No, Annatar,' he said quietly. HIs heart broke when he said those words that rang with finality. The words that meant he was denying his One - for Celebrimbor suddenly knew, just knew, that Annatar was his soulmate. He would never love anyone except the golden Maia standing in front of him.

But he had no choice. Annatar had to see that - Celebrimbor wanted so much to kiss the Maia, to make love to him and claim him, to announce to the entire world that Annatar was his and he was Annatar's. 

But the consequences...

Annatar gave him an unreadable look. His face was pale. 

Celebrimbor turned and fled, ignoring with difficulty the voices in his head screaming for him to go back, throw himself into Annatar's arms and beg for forgiveness.


	4. Jealousy

Was Annatar _flirting_ with that awful woman?

Annatar invariably sat near Celebrimbor, if not right next to him, during dinner. But now he was across the entire dining hall, sitting far too close to Clarissa, Eregion's most notorious flirt, and their heads were bent together intimately, and they were laughing and chatting so loudly Celebrimbor could hear their voices from his seat thirty metres away.

As Celebrimbor watched, Annatar leaned even closer to Clarissa, their hair mingling, gold on auburn. He whispered something in her ear, and she threw her head back - _onto_ _ _his__ _ _ _shoulder -___ and laughed loudly. Annatar smiled, his cheeks dimpling attractively, and raised an arm to hug her loosely around her slim waist.

Celebrimbor's face flushed. _How_ _ _dare__ _ _ _she?!___ She was not _worthy_ of Annatar! He was gorgeous enough to deserve the attention of even the Valar themselves, and he chose to bestow his affections on this common flirt? Annatar had worse taste than Celebrimbor had thought. He could hardly believe the Maia would like someone with the brains of a goldfish and the personality of a grabby, greedy jellyfish. The truth was that Clarissa had nothing to boast of except a pretty face - which was not even _that_ pretty! Compared to the good breeding, elegance and grace of the descendents of the House of Finwe, like Gil-galad and Galadriel (and Celebrimbor), she was _cheap,_ for lack of a better word!

Celebrimbor fairly _burned_ with indignation on behalf of his friend when Clarissa laid a delicately manicured hand on his forearm, her lips hovering _far_ _ _too__ ___n___ _ _ _ _ea____ _ _ _r___ Annatar's own full lips, her eyelids lowered in a sultry glance. What a _whore_! Celebrimbor did not usually insult women with such vulgar words, even in his mind, but Clarissa was overstepping the line! In fact, he ought to send her to Galadriel in Lothlorien to learn the mannerisms of a lady - or to Thranduil in Greenwood, where she can at least make herself useful by training to be a soldier. (And it would be best if she did not return - ever. Lothlorien or Greenwood, Celebrimbor thought, would be __much__ better for her than Eregion would be.) And he had to keep her away from Annatar - he could not bear to see his best friend fall into the clutches of a worthless _slut_ without attempting to save him, after all. He was merely doing the duty of a true friend.

'My lord,' Celebrimbor's friend and advisor, Asterion, said to him with an amused smile on his face, 'what has your dinner plate done to offend you, to make you scowl and glare at it so furiously?' 

Celebrimbor blinked. He had not realized he had been behaving quite queerly, and he had completely forgotten about his companions sitting beside him. 'Oh, nothing,' he said hastily. 'I just do not find tonight's meal appetizing.' Even as he said so he realized his mistake - tonight's dishes were almost all of them Celebrimbor's favourites.

Asterion apparently knew this too, for his smirk widened. 'Oh, I see,' he replied. 'Then it has nothing to do with the fact that Lady Clarissa is sitting very close to Lord Annatar this evening?' His bright blue eyes stared at Celebrimbor innocently.

Celebrimbor flushed. ' _Of_ _ _course__ I do not approve of their - their _relationship,_ ' he snapped. 'No true friend of Annatar's would _ever_ approve of him being close to that _bitch._ ' He glared at Asterion. 'I am doing what _any_ friend would do, and feeling what _any_ friend would feel, under the circumstances,' he told him haughtily.

Asterion's eyes travelled to Annatar and Clarissa. 'Oh, dear,' he said mildly with an air of regret and sadness, 'I am afraid it is far too late to stop this affair. I have heard that Lord Annatar is quite taken with the lady - in fact, he has been pining after her for some weeks now, and has been courting her for the past week. I hear they are _very_ happy together - and I heard some maid gossip that they were seen taking moonlit walks and _kissing_ in the garden!'

Celebrimbor's eyes widened. 'That is a _lie,_ ' he hissed angrily. 'Annatar knows better than to fall in love with this miserable whore! I do _not_ believe he will ever deign to _touch_ her in any way!'

Asterion did not answer. He was gazing with grave melancholy at the far end of the hall. 'Oh, dear,' he murmured.

Celebrimbor whirled around. Annatar had taken hold of Clarissa's hand and was bending to kiss it lightly with red, lush lips. She giggled. He gazed up at her beneath long lashes, his eyes hooded and a playful smirk gracing his features.

Celebrimbor was horrified to find tears of frustration rise in his eyes. He bit his lower lip hard enough to draw blood, his hands gripping his knife until his knuckles turned white. He took a deep, shaking breath. He was _not_ going to cry. He was _not._ That _bitch_ did not deserve his tears.

But by the Valar, his heart _hurt!_

 _Of_ _ _course__ Celebrimbor had noticed Annatar's attention to Clarissa these past few weeks, but he had refused to face the truth. Even when Annatar spent more and more time with _her_ instead of in the forge Celebrimbor had made excuses for him, thinking that Annatar was merely trying to avoid any more awkward encounters with him. He had deluded himself, thinking - _hoping_ \- that Annatar and Clarissa were _o_ _ _nly friends,__ even as they sat close together and giggled and laughed and whispered and exchanged flirtatious glances.

But now they were so blatantly doing what only lovers would do in public, and what excuses did Celebrimbor have now?

He knew he could not blame Annatar - Celebrimbor had rejected the Maia first, after all - but this careless display of affection towards another barely a month after the Maia had courted Celebrimbor was a stab in his heart, cruel and so, so painful.

It was meaningless to deny what he felt any longer. Anyone who cared to look could see plainly that he was pathetically, hopelessly in love with Annatar and was jealous of that woman. He was truly _pathetic,_ to think that Annatar had ever loved him or cared for him in the slightest. Annatar was a _Maia,_ for the love of Eru! Elves were probably mere playthings to him. He had probably taken a thousand lovers into his bed, and each had meant no more to him than an enjoyable night. Annatar had chased after Celebrimbor simply because he was annoyed that the elf had rejected him - he was to the Maia nothing more than another conquest, another challenge. And he had been foolish enough to think that Annatar was his _One!_ Celebrimbor could laugh at his own stupidity, if it did not hurt so much. Who on earth would ever love a descendant of Feanaro, after all? And Celebrimbor was by no means particularly impressive - he was not as wise as Galadriel nor as powerful as Gil-galad, nor was he particularly beautiful. The only talent he had was in crafting - and that, he thought, Annatar had probably secretly ridiculed, too, for what was the talent of one elf when compared to that of a Maia? Celebrimbor had _nothing._

But knowing that he was unworthy of the Maia did not make _this_ any easier to live with. How was he supposed to bear watching as his love openly flirted with another elf? _How_ __could__ ___he?___

He took another trembling breath and looked up towards the couple - but they were not there.

Celebrimbor's heart twisted. He could imagine what they were up to - they were probably in Annatar's or Clarissa's chambers by now, kissing and touching each other and doing _other things_. A sound like a sob rose up his throat, but he forced it back down. _No,_ _ _I__ ___will___ ____not____ _____cry! I_____ _ _ _ _ _ _will______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _not!_______

He rose abruptly, almost knocking over his chair in his haste to get away. Asterion, now looking genuinely alarmed at the expression on Celebrimbor's face, asked tentatively, 'My lord? Celebrimbor, mellon, are you alright?' He ignored him, because he was afraid if he opened his mouth he would immediately start crying in front of everyone in the hall. He stumbled as quickly as possible back to his own chambers without drawing attention, his eyes slightly blurry with unshed tears.

 _Fool,_ he cursed himself as he walked up the staircase, barely holding in the tears. _What_ _ _had__ _ _ _you___ ____expected?____ (Not this -) _What_ __did__ ___you___ ____have____ _____the_____ ______right______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _to_______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _expect?!________ (He hardly knew anymore.) _You_ __are a__ _ _ _descendant___ _ _ _ _of____ _ _ _ _ _Feanaro,_____ _ _ _ _ _ _you______ _______presumptuous_______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _fool,________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _cursed_________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _and__________ ___________hated___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _and____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _mistrusted_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _even______________ _______________by_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _your________________ _________________own_________________ __________________kin!__________________

And then he saw _them_ _._ Coming down the staircase side by side, laughing merrily, their faces all the more beautiful and radiant together. Annatar stopped laughing when he saw the elf. 'Tyelpe?' the Maia, asked, sounding concerned. 'What has happened? Why do you cry, dear?' __How__ __dare__ _ _you call__ _ _me__ _ _by that__ _ _name__ _ _-__ _ _how__ _ _dare you -__

And then, even as he flushed with humiliation, Celebrimbor saw the ghost of a gloating, contemptuous smile hovering over Clarissa's lips. And the anger rose in him like a tide, overshadowing his humiliation and heartbreak. By the Valar, he will _not_ be mocked by _her!_

He rounded on Annatar, his eyes blazing now with fury. 'I do not see how that is any of your business, Lord Annatar,' he said with freezing coldness, and he marvelled at how steady his voice sounded. 'Have a good evening.'

Annatar had the gall of looking _hurt._ He stepped back, his golden eyes widened with _bewilderment,_ and Celebrimbor stepped past them without looking backwards.

He managed to keep his chin up and his head high until he reached his chambers and bolted the door. And then he slumped against the wood, sliding to the floor, and buried his face in his hands. After a while he realized, shoulders heaving, breaths coming in shuddering gasps, that he was crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst but there will be fluff next chapter, I promise (*¯︶¯*)


End file.
